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I Went To An Obama Rally So You Won't Have To

  • After this week’s Trump rally here in Las Vegas I started wondering what a Democrat rally was like. There is plenty of in-fighting among MAGA supporters on controversial issues like who should and should not be fired, but at the rally we were all on the same team. The energy was incredible and the people friendly. It was a really party atmosphere, and everyone was dressed for the occasion in red, white, and blue. When I found out Michelle Obama was having her own rally here days later, I decided to go check it out and find out whether or not it would be rally Bizarro World or something different entirely.


    I went to the website and requested a ticket. I received a confirmation message and an e-mail that asked me to manually confirm, which I did. It was a ticketed event, and you had to go to a second location to physically pick your ticket up ahead of time. There was one location open on Friday and another on Saturday. I went on Saturday, because like most of President Trump’s supporters I work on Friday. I drove all the way across town to pick my ticket up. When I got there I was told there were only two left. Even if you confirmed your ticket online, you were out of luck.


    The older black woman who arrived just after me had to switch shifts and take public transportation to get there. She got the last ticket. She was so excited to go that she went to great personal trouble to pick her ticket up, and she was even dressed head-to-toe in red, white, and blue. She was a true patriot, even if I don’t agree with her politics. And to think, if she’d arrived ten minutes later, she’d have been turned away. This was the first of many reasons I’d see during the whole process that made me realize why so many Democrats are choosing to walk away.


    When I arrived at the venue I saw a man out on the street off the property holding a sign that read “VOTE REPUBLICAN – WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE?” I wanted to give him my business card and invite him to the site, but I couldn’t blow my cover. That became more difficult to do when I heard a small group of white women singing a protest song about getting free abortions. Because now it's not enough for it to be safe, legal, and available on demand. It is also somehow owed to them free of charge. It took all my strength to keep my MAGA under control.


    In line, I learned many people had requested one ticket and been given two for no reason. A group of Mexicans stood behind me. Apparently they thought Spanish was a secret code no one can understand, because they pulled no punches in their racist conversation. There was a black woman there dressed very elegantly in a semi-formal gown with a matching African-style turban. They were saying she looked like she just got out of the shower, and one of the women in the group referred to this beautiful woman using the m-word, which is the Spanish equivalent of the n-word. Real classy, you racist hypocrites.


    Inside the auditorium I sat for an hour waiting for 4:00, which was when the event was scheduled to begin. The hour arrived and then passed, and still no Michelle Obama, nor any other speaker. The atmosphere was completely lacking in energy. No one spoke to me the whole time or even smiled in my direction, which was the polar opposite of my Trump rally experience. I started falling asleep at one point, and so did the woman next to me. The woman on the other side of me read a book. Once in a while there was a false start and a little weak cheering, and the small group of singing white ladies from earlier tried and failed to get some chants going.


    At 5:00, the speakers finally began. We had to listen to the first speaker’s entire speech twice, once in Spanish and once in English. Then we heard from an immigrant from the Philippines. I worried we’d have to sit through speeches from every single nationality and gender, but luckily that was the end of it. Some actors spoke too, but I don’t watch TV so I don’t know who they were. One of them was really funny and had decent energy, and the other two were so boring that I can’t remember what they said. 


    Eventually Michelle Obama came out. She was fine. I didn’t object to anything she said. It was a non-partisan rally and I thought she was mostly fair. She did a great job considering how much bias she must have, actually. If I was in her position I would have been throwing shade all over the place, and that’s why they’re losing. I can’t figure out what Democrats are thinking. Michelle Obama was doing everything short of begging people to care enough to vote. The whole point of the rally was so she could teach people how to get their apathetic friends and family members to vote. She kept repeating that she didn’t care who they voted for, but I’ll bet she wouldn’t go on Maury with it.


    The only successful chant of the day was one imploring Michelle to become the next president, and she told everyone to stop. People were streaming out of the auditorium throughout her entire speech. I was shocked by how many people were leaving. I guess I have old-fashioned manners and I know better than to walk out on a speaker. But what do you expect from Liberals? Toward the end of the speech, Michelle Obama repeated one last time that she didn’t care who anyone voted for. That was when one of my fellow patriots who was also there as an infiltrator could no longer keep their MAGA under control. The lady yelled, in her loudest voice, “Vote for Trump!” No one booed at all. Everyone laughed. It was by far the most energy I saw in that room all day.  

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