Blogs » Politics » The Liberal's Guide to Leaving the Country

The Liberal's Guide to Leaving the Country

  • Were you outraged when Trump called Haiti and certain African nations “shithole countries”? Did you immediately turn to social media to make sure everyone knows you believe Trump is turning the US into a shithole country? If so, I have good news for you: you can leave!


    President Trump has achieved the lowest black unemployment rate of all time, black business start-ups have skyrocketed, people of color have been pardoned. The President has even kept his promises on prison reform, which will positively affect POC. But okay, fine, for now let’s pretend that he’s racist and you’re not. Trump hates everyone who isn’t white, and you embrace everyone, right? Here’s your chance to prove it.


    Democrats have been threatening to leave the country if their candidates aren’t elected for a long time, but the fact is they rarely do. One common complaint is they are “too American” and other countries won’t have them. While it is true that most of the predominantly white European nations will not take Americans unless we can demonstrate that there’s something in it for them, there are plenty of places that will let you right in.


    In fact, here’s a whole list of them.


    Just think, by leaving the United States you can show Trump and his supporters once and for all that there are no shithole countries, just shithole presidents. Just think of how relieved you’ll be once you’re the immigrant. Naturally, you will be welcomed with open arms, just like you were ready to do to Hondurans.


    Sure, you might have to learn Spanish, pero es fácil once you get the hang of it. You’d know that though, if you actually had any Central American friends.



    Mexico is beautiful and affordable, and the food is fantastic. Mexican immigration restrictions are often held up as being strict, but thanks to the NAFTA you can move within about an hour’s drive of the border without filling out any paperwork at all. You can just put all of your stuff in your car and go, just like that. How do I know? Because I did this during Obama’s first term. I was still close enough to drive to Target whenever I wanted, but I had an international border separating me from the worst president we’ve ever had. Just think, if you move to Mexico you can be separated from the president you hate most of all by a big, beautiful wall!



    This Central American country is so beautiful that its citizens are streaming out of it in their rush to come here and tell us how great it is.



    Americans with children give two thumbs up to life in the Philippines. Over 20 million Americans have drug problems, and as long as you’re not one of them you should love it here.   



    Everyone else there will be poor, but not you, just the way you Dems like it.



    The violent history of civil war here shouldn't be a concern to you. In this tiny state in Central Africa you will find a welcoming population, as long as you aren’t Tutsi. The cost of living here is high, but since you’re American you’ll make more money and it won’t affect you. You can always build a wall around your house to keep poor locals away.



    Expats love sunny, beautiful Peru, especially business owners. Just think how little you’ll be able to pay your workers if you run a business here! But you wouldn’t do that, of course. You’re a Socialist, so you’ll give them $15 an hour.



    You may think Europe won’t have you, but you couldn’t be more wrong. Americans are flocking to Spain for the wealth of jobs with good pay and the mild weather. Be forewarned though: the conjugation áis in Spain isn’t used in Mexican Spanish. You’ll find out you’re saying things wrong once the Spaniards begin rudely correcting your grammar the way you do to everyone else online.


    Got any other countries you'd like to add to this list? Let me know in the comments!


    Starla Simms December 14, 2018

No Stickers to Show