Many Americans are fans of true crime TV. Clearly not among them: Jussie Smollett, the 36-year-old black, gay actor sitting at Ground Zero of the latest scandal that’s made Liberal heads explode. If you watch channels like ID Discovery and Oxygen, one thing you will quickly learn is you do not mess around when it comes to police detectives. They are sharp, shrewd, and they have rapidly advancing technology on their side. If only Smollett had bothered to watch crime television with the rest of us, so much could have been avoided.
Sometime prior to January 22 – Smollett mailed himself fake ricin, and no one cared. If Smollett had seen the Gypsy Blanchard episode of ABC’s 20/20, he’d have realized what a bad idea upping the ante for attention can be. When Blanchard’s mother, Dee Dee, failed to get the level of attention her Munchausen syndrome by proxy demanded, she made her daughter even sicker. Her daughter turned on her, lethally.
January 22 – Smollett received a letter that said, “You will die, black fag.” Also featured on the letter was a stick figure hanging from a tree with a gun to its head. If Smollett had seen the Chris Coleman episode of ABC’s 48 Hours he’d already have known not to try sending himself a letter like this. When Coleman tried to fake a hate crime so he could get away with murder, he sent himself threatening emails from the email address destroychris@gmail.com. What Smollett did was equally as stupid.
Sometime between January 23-28 – Abel and Ola Osundairo were hired by Smollett to stage a more attention-getting MAGA attack. If Smollett had seen the George Tiaffay episode of CBS’s 48 Hours, he’d have known that even after they are paid to do your dirty work, the killer always talks. Even if you pay someone else to do the crime, you’ll still do the time.
January 29 – The “attack” took place and was reported. In photos taken afterward, an injury was visible on Smollett’s cheek. If Smollett had seen the Monique Berkley episode of Oxygen’s Snapped, he’d have known detectives and forensic scientists can figure out if your injuries are complete bull. Berkley planned to have her young lover shoot her so she could get away with murder. Instead, she got shot and went to prison, where it looks like Smollett may very well end up.
January 30 – Chicago police reviewed hundreds of hours of surveillance camera footage. They reviewed zero minutes of attack footage, as there wasn’t any. Afterward they released the images of two large, black, white, racist Trump supporters, calling them “persons of interest.” In this day and age, there are cameras everywhere. Not just on you when you’re on TV yourself. Duh, Jussie. You should have watched shows other than Empire.
February 1 – Smollett issued a statement in which he assured the public he was cooperating with the authorities. If he’d watched the Edmund Kemper episode of Oxygen’s Inside the Mind of a Serial Killer, he’d have understood that cooperation does not equal a lack of guilt. After slaughtering several co-eds, Kemper turned himself in and cooperated with authorities in every way. His victims, however, were still just as dead.
February 2 – Smollett performed at a West Hollywood concert, during which he gave an emotional speech. You know who else gave an emotional speech? Susan Smith, after she killed her children and blamed it on black men. Smollett would have known that if he’d watched that episode of A&E’s American Justice.
February 19 – The Nigerian brothers testified that Smollett faked the original “hate crime” letter. Everyone will testify against you once they are caught. You don’t even need to watch television at all to know that.
February 21 – It was reported that Smollett wrote a check to the Osundairo brothers to do the fake hoax. I don’t think there is an episode of any true crime show about this. It’s groundbreakingly stupid.
Maybe next we’ll get to see Smollett represent himself at his own trial, which he’d know better than to do if he’d watched footage of Ted Bundy in court. It’s too bad he missed it. It was truly electrifying.
President Trump, the evil, black-hating racist, originally condemned the act to reporters at the White House, expressing concern and sympathy for what he perceived to be a hate crime against a black gay man. Smollett’s family also stood up for him, as did many Democrat politicians and celebrities. Who most likely did not rush to stand up for Smollett? People who watch true crime television. We've seen this mess before, and we know better.
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