by Andrew Zarowny, 10/5/2018
Hillary Clinton on Broadway? Apparently so as the musical, ″Hillary and Clinton″ is preparing to take the stage! The play will star Laurie Metcalf as Hillary and John Lithgow as Bill Clinton. The musical will be about the 2008 presidential campaign, which seems strange since the 1992 primary was far more interesting as the Arkansas power couple dealt with infidelity allegations. Bill Clinton was accused of having had a long sexual relationship with Little Rock TV personality, Gennifer Flowers. Things were not looking good until Bill and Hillary appeared on CBS News ″60 Minutes″. In 2008. all that really happened in New Hampshire was Hillary played the gender card, chatting up a story about her mother while showering folks in crocodile tears. But I have a better idea! ″Hillary On Ice″, a musical adaptation of the 2016 campaign!
Think about the possibilities! How about songs like, ″Low Energy Jeb″ and ″Don′t Cry For Me Pennsylvania″? Plus, there is the added bonus of performing on ice skates. I can see Dorothy Hamill playing Hillary and Wayne Gretsky as Bill Clinton. Much better casting than those for the Broadway stage version. John Lithgow as a young Bill Clinton? Whose idea is that? Talk about a horrible choice. Lithgow is in his 60s if not pushing 70. C′mon! Get real!
I like my idea more. Nothing makes a cultural event truly significant until it is turned into an ice skating musical. I can see it now! Alec Baldwin skating about the rink as Donald Trump singing, ″Fake News! Fake News! I′m surrounded by Fake News!″ Or how about a chorus line of performers made up to look like cable news hosts singing, ″We′re upset, that all our polls were so wrong. We′re upset, that the Blue Wall was gone.″ Then, of course, we have Barack Obama, playing himself, singing, ″I did all I could, but she blew it. I did all I could, but she lost any way. I even tried to to frame Trump as a Russian spy, what a guy, I am!″ Then the big finale featuring The Deplorables singing, ″Crooked Hillary, lock her up, lock her up! Stop Illegals, Build The Wall, Build The Wall! And Together We'll Make America Great Again!!!″
Yes, my production of ″Hillary On Ice″ would be the sensation of the nation! Far more so than this stupid ″Hillary and Clinton″ Broadway play. Even the name is dumb! Hillary IS a Clinton! What sense does that make? ″Hillary and Bill″ would have been better. What do you think? Its a Friday and we need to have some fun after all of the lunatic nonsense of the past few weeks. So chime in ideas and maybe we′ll get some funding and put ″Hillary On Ice″ on ice!
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